I do not know how to heal myself. It seems like trying to operate on my own brain, which is impossible; unconsciousness is required to do surgery, or the pain would kill a person.
I suppose all I can do is trust my Abba to do for me what I cannot do for myself. I don’t know what I expect to gain along with my memories. Healing? If all the pieces were to be put in their proper place, could I somehow “reboot” so everything works properly again?
I have been so broken all of my life in one way or another, and that’s the way I view myself in light of what I do remember. I can’t imagine how much more I am not even aware of… yet.
Love covers a multitude of sins. I try to earnestly love others to make up for inflicting my quirks on them. There are times (ranging in duration from a few minutes to entiredays) when I feel so awkward and self-conscious – when I get bruised and feel absolutely unlovable. How does one deserve love? Better question – who has the right to decide I’m not lovable or acceptable?
If God is for me, who can be against me? And why would I care? But that has always been the cry of my heart – to love and be loved. There is still a huge hole in my heart where a mother’s love should have rested.