Rejection

I have been rejected. The pain is a bitter wound.

I did many supportive things, helpful things, over the years. These things were received and accepted as long as nobody knew I was a multiple. If I had kept this information to myself, if I had never bared my soul, those things I did out of love might still count for something. But, I made the mistake of entrusting someone close to me with my secret.

I thought that if I backed off for a while and let her have her space, she would come around. Instead I have been spied on and tricked, and though I helped her raise her children when she was incapable of doing so, now I am not to be trusted. The religious spirit has risen up against me, and I have neither the words nor the heart left to fight it.

Now I am Persona non Grata, regardless of the good I have done, the sacrifices I have made, the unconditional love I have given, the unwavering support and assistance over the years I have given without any thought except to help my loved ones get closer to God. It all means nothing to those upon whom I have lavished it, because I am multiple.

This I must endure, but it is an open wound. I think God must be tired of my prayers. My heart is so heavy. I am trying so hard not to run away inside, but to bear patiently with the pain. The grief is nauseating, the sorrow haunts my dreams.

Right now the light seems so dark around me, and I feel so lonely.

But I am reaching for my Savior, the Lover of my Soul, to banish the darkness and bring me into the light once more. I’m trying to keep my eyes on Him. He was despised and rejected, and unlike me, He never sinned. I’m trying to allow Him to work His life out in me.

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Published by

Pastora Covert

Just a daughter of my Abba, hoping to introduce Him around.

2 thoughts on “Rejection”

  1. How well I understand this – there is no pain so deep as when the enemy uses our love as a weapon against us! Those brutal arrows rip through the soul as our hearts scream with wordless pain before the Throne – ABBA FATHER, have mercy, I can’t stand this, I can’t carry this, I can’t do IT, I JUST CAN’T! As we continue to cry out before Him, the enemy pierces our heart again and again with images of how just how much he has stolen from us. As the torment threatens to overtake us, we turn towards the throne crying out with bitter anguish –

    WHHHHYYYYYY Lord, WHY?

    Somewhere in the midst our cries, realization begins to dawn upon our broken heart.

    A peace begins to overtake the gut-wrenching sobs – a thread of revelation blooms into a gift of understanding the strength of Our Lord, when He looked down from the cross at those he had brought forth from the dust of the earth, those who He loved through thousands upon thousands of years of rejection and return, going all the way back to the day he placed His own breath in Adam. These had just nailed his broken body to a cross. As he struggled to get enough of that same breath to speak,

    He said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

    Ah, Sovereign Lord, thank you for teaching us, and may we always learn from You! As His children, He now walk a much lesser version of those same paths that His precious nail scarred feet once walked – crying out to Him, ABBA FATHER, thank you for giving us a this chance to have a heart like Yours. Help us to know Your Heart, so we can know ours better. Help us Holy Spirit in our weaknesses – and we praise you now for we go from strength to strength.

    I love you Precious Sister – Shabbat Shalom today and always.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. These are beautiful revelations that the ones traveling on broad and wide paths, have not the awareness to appreciate. Narrow is the way and straight is the path that leads to everlasting life and few are there that find it. Thank you both for sharing your soul. People fear what they do not understand, Christ knew this best and pleaded to His Father not to condemn those that lack knowledge and understanding…as did Stephen right before the last stone, with the final breath…he asked they be forgiven. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

    Liked by 1 person

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