I have been rejected. The pain is a bitter wound.
I did many supportive things, helpful things, over the years. These things were received and accepted as long as nobody knew I was a multiple. If I had kept this information to myself, if I had never bared my soul, those things I did out of love might still count for something. But, I made the mistake of entrusting someone close to me with my secret.
I thought that if I backed off for a while and let her have her space, she would come around. Instead I have been spied on and tricked, and though I helped her raise her children when she was incapable of doing so, now I am not to be trusted. The religious spirit has risen up against me, and I have neither the words nor the heart left to fight it.
Now I am Persona non Grata, regardless of the good I have done, the sacrifices I have made, the unconditional love I have given, the unwavering support and assistance over the years I have given without any thought except to help my loved ones get closer to God. It all means nothing to those upon whom I have lavished it, because I am multiple.
This I must endure, but it is an open wound. I think God must be tired of my prayers. My heart is so heavy. I am trying so hard not to run away inside, but to bear patiently with the pain. The grief is nauseating, the sorrow haunts my dreams.
Right now the light seems so dark around me, and I feel so lonely.
But I am reaching for my Savior, the Lover of my Soul, to banish the darkness and bring me into the light once more. I’m trying to keep my eyes on Him. He was despised and rejected, and unlike me, He never sinned. I’m trying to allow Him to work His life out in me.