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Yesterday I listened to an acquaintance talking on Periscope about the loss of his family through divorce. He is wrecked.
And I was wrecked for the rest of the day.
Thing is I was terribly conflicted, too. Not all men are evil, nor are all women. Nothing is completely black and white. No situation, no matter how horrible, can be so easily boiled down. We are fallen, all of us, in need of a savior.
This encounter pushed me back into my own past, my mother’s abuse, her long string of men in the house after Daddy died – even stealing my boyfriend and taking him to her bed because I was a virgin and wouldn’t, and her utter abandon of us – the six children of my father. What chance did any of us have for even a semi-normal life?
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Quickly, before you start to feel turned off by another works-motivated speech on fasting, please listen to David Murry’s podcast. You’ve never heard it explained so clearly, and for those of us who “see inside”, this is such important understanding!
Love in Yeshua/Jesus
As a multiple, there were decades of not knowing what was happening to myself or my children. I cannot explain why I died, why my husband (at the time) did nothing to assist me, and why he sought no medical care for me. In speaking with a nurse practitioner afterwards, she felt I might have had a stroke, but I was only 24 and in seeming good health.
Nonetheless, there were many factors that I was unaware of at the time which could have had a deleterious effect on my health, and not the least of these was the fact that I was suicidal. This was shameful to me, because I loved Jesus. I loved my family, I had a music ministry and much to live for. It would be many years before I began to truly understand what was lying, hiding, in the bottom of a very deep place inside of me, waiting for healing.
I know it seems off-topic to post these dreams here, but believe me, this is part of who I am, and it relates to Whose I am, and I must obey Him regardless of what others think. When He gives me dreams, visions, prophecies, instructions, or encouragement, I must obey and share them with His Body, the believers in Yeshua/Jesus Christ.
I pray you will be able to discern the times.
Military Dream – very short video on my YouTube channel, Pastora Covert’s Place, with information and verification of the locations within the dream.
I am His handmaiden, and I am waiting.
While I wait, I am noticing that I am a little more peaceful. The noise is more bearable. In fact, at times, there is even less noise.
I dreamed once more (probably the kazillionth time) that I was pregnant, only this time I was told that I was waiting on someone else to do something he had to do before I would be able to deliver.
Then I dreamed of little kids that kept running into my room because my door was open. I thought they were adorable but wondered to whom they belonged. I kept shooing them back out the door and telling them to go find their mommy.
So, back to waiting. Sleep is hard to accomplish – it is something that I long for but it seems to elude me a great deal. I pray a lot. But then if I run out of people to pray for, and my mind gets too busy, I have to just get up and start writing. It’s all part of waiting.
Lately I have realized that I am finally being released to work on a couple of projects I have known would come in due time. This is a lonely time for me right now, so it seems like a perfect time to dive in. But I’m cautious because I also don’t want the chaos and inner turmoil to overwhelm me, and I have to keep balance in my life between rest, inner work, outer work, and relationships.
Waiting is harder than doing. Perhaps that’s why God repeated Himself so often on the subject… thinking of so many songs I used to play to lead worship at church eons ago… all about waiting on the Lord.
Well, I’m taking that advice, and I’m going to keep reminding myself of it, because I want those Eagle’s Wings He has promised!
I want to soar up to the sky and kiss the Son!