Category: Body memory I can’t explain.
I have said for many years that I feel like I have lived seven lifetimes in one. I feel exhausted sometimes for no discernible reason, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, and chronic pain syndrome aside. It’s like my brain is tired. And I really can’t point to a reason why.
My headaches have increased greatly now that I’ve opened the door for my alters to come forward. Everyone has something to say, and it is jumbled sometimes. I don’t even have a frame of reference for many of the fragments of memory I have gleaned. There are people I don’t know in those memories, and that is a frightening thing. If I didn’t have my Abba to help me, I don’t think I would have made it to this day alive, let alone sane and reasonably high-functioning, after some of the things I’ve seen in my alters’ memories.
So, last night after I went to bed I remembered something that happened when I was living in Alaska. I was in a medical program, and during one of the training sessions we had to learn and practice sterile procedure prior to placing sutures. The very first time I donned the sterile gloves without breaking the sterile field, it was automatic for me and I finished before anyone else. The physician instructor looked at me and said; “you’ve done this before.” I said: “yes, but I don’t remember when.”
I was immediately embarrassed, and covered it up by saying it must be part of my amnesia due to a traumatic brain injury (TBI) I sustained in a car accident. That’s a more socially acceptable reason than saying I was missing many years in my memory even prior to that car accident. I felt there were things at play I couldn’t understand, but I was still in denial about my DID.
The thing is, I only have two types of medical experience in my past that I can recall. The first was being a nurse assistant right out of high school, and we didn’t do anything with sterile fields back then (1973-1974). The second was all my First Responder/ Emergency Trauma Tech classes, and again, nothing about sterile field was taught. I have no recollection of learning these protocols, but it would have to be part of a program or profession that deals with more advanced medical knowledge, of that I am sure. It really bugs me that my body can have a perfect recall and duplicate something that I have no recollection learning.
I have prayed and asked the Lord Jesus to show me where I was and how I know this information. So far no answer, though it feels like I am just on the edge of discovery. It’s frustrating, this lack of control over my own memories, and the growing suspicion that I have lived a double life…